That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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