I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
