Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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