Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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