I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
