oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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