6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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