I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
