You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
