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She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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