Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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