I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
