I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
