Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
