Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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