Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
