Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
