remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Me too!
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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