A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
