That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
