I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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