last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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