Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
