This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
