On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
