what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
