when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
