I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
