She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You don't make any sense
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