She is in my trunk
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
PS: I just woke up from my shower
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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