Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
