I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
