I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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