I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
