It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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