Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
