You made me cry and you don't even care
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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