so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
