I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
