He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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