dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
honey bunches of taint.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Pants are for mortals
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
