so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
