i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
