We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
