Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
