I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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