I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
