When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
