Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
