My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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